For most of the past year I've been static. The feeling was sorta like being in a doctor's office waiting room, cooling my heels, reading dog-eared, old issues of Time and Newsweek, but knowing that when the wait was over, I'd start getting better. Except I never did get better. 

I don't believe in a concrete destiny. I think we all have choices about what path we take, but that one path is the "right" path. One path that puts us most in harmony with our true self or some cosmic ideal. The more we stray from that ideal path, the less content and more out of sorts we feel. Right now I'm lost. My sense of direction is out of whack, I can't spot any familiar landmarks, and the ground is so unyielding that I've left no tracks by which I can find my way back to where I started.

I've discovered my new great love/obsession/whatever. Wild Turkey. See, some people when they get drunk just get like a more severe version of whatever mood they're in when they start drinking. Not me. I'm a fucking happy drunk. Sure, my face is numb and my typing is slow as fuck, but damn I feel good. I can look at myself like I'm someone else. Look at the things I've done or said and point and laugh at that idiot. It's liberating. Plus it tastes sooooo good. Best of all, it's been years since i drank on a regular basis, so it takes sooo little to get me like this. I can't feel my cheeks :)


Edit:
"Um, man, you can barely stand up."
"Irrevelant. My car is operated from a seated position."

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade...

I don't like lemonade. I'm not big on pithy sayings right now, either.

Life's about choices, they say. Sometimes you make a bad choice and take your lumps from it. Sometimes it ain't that simple, though. Sometimes both choices are bad. When a band of war whooping savages chase you to the ledge of a cliff, all you can do is stay and be killed or leap to your death. I've never actually tried before, so I don't know for a fact that I can't fly. Or maybe it's a dream and I'll wake up before I hit bottom.

It's my journal, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but me... hell, for that matter, it's up to me whether or not it even has to make sense to me.

We've been adopted by a family of kittens.

About two weeks ago a momma cat and her three kittens took up residence on our porch. No idea where they came from. None of the neighbors claim them. The mom cat has very obviously been a house cat before. She tries to come in every time I open the door. The kittens (I'm guessing they're less than 6 weeks old) have never been around people much, though. I'm thinking, anyway. They're all shy, although some more than others.

The most social one is striped black and gray, with a white chest and white socks. He doesn't actually leave the porch unless I get close to him. The middle one is orange and white. If I move in his direction, he leaves. And the last one looks like the first two blended together. What little I've seen of him, that is. Usually when I step onto the porch, all I see of him is his tail disappearing as he jumps off. And it's about a 5 foot drop, too.

We live pretty much in the woods. Three sides of the house are surrounded by trees, anyway. So our porch is covered in dead leaves right now. And right this second, the kittens are hard at work making sure those leaves really are dead ;)

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

He had not recognized me. But then, who would? Had I revealed myself to him, he might possibly have known me. We had never really met, I guess, this wounded man and I. But in a peculiar sense, we were acquainted.

I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.
-Marcus Cole, Babylon 5

Simon


Which Firefly (or Serenity) Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Am A: Lawful Good Elf Fighter Ranger


Alignment:
Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.


Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Deity:
Tyr is the Lawful Good god of justice. He is also known as Tyr Grimjaws, Wounded Tyr, the Maimed God, and Blind Tyr. He appears as a warrior, missing his hand. Followers of Tyr are concerned first and foremost with justice - discovering the truth and punishing the guilty for their crimes. They wear blue and purple robes with a white sash, a white gauntlet on the left hand, and a black gauntlet on the right, to symbolize Tyr's lost hand. Their preferred weapon is the warhammer. Tyr's symbol is a set of scales resting on a warhammer.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)




I'm as shocked as you are.

List five things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it to your journal, and then tag five friends and ask them to post it to theirs. (leaving off obvious answers like "friends", "family" and "sex".)

1. Reading web comics

2. Eating ice cream

3. Getting lost in research tangents on the internet.. that is, when you do a google search on one thing, and end up following interesting links that pop up and end up spending hours doing it and realize that you long ago lost track of what you were originally looking for

4. Driving at night in the country when the sky is clear

5. Re-reading the Amber series

And... I think most of the people I talk to on LJ have already been tagged :\

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me. It can only be one word. No more. Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

1) Total number of books owned?
I'm really not sure. A lot.

2) The last book I bought.
A used bookstore just opened in town. I got Protector by Larry Niven, Silverlock by John Myers Myers, Keepers of Edenvant by Carole Nelson Douglas, and One by Richard Bach.

3) The last book I read.
Protector by Larry Niven

4)Books that mean a lot to me.
The Amber Chronicles by Roger Zelazny and A Night in Lonesome October, also by Zelazny

5) Tag five people and have them fill out this poll:
As if I know 5 people on LJ who haven't already been tagged

Can't eat. Can't sleep. Find myself on the verge of tears just randomly out of the blue. I wonder if I'm pregnant or maybe menopausal.

Wheeeeee!

I'm old.

You burden me with your questions
You'd have me tell no lies
You're always asking what it's all about
But don't listen to my replies
You say to me I don't talk enough
But when I do I'm a fool
These times I've spent, I've realized
I'm going to shoot through
And leave you

The things, you say
Your purple prose just gives you away
The things, you say
You're unbelievable


-"Unbelievable" by EMF


This has been your flashback to the early 90s. Please drive through.

I finally finished Wizard's First Rule last night. I'll probably go out today and get the next book. His writing improved throughout the book. I can't wait to see if the trend continues.

One of these days I'll stop lying to myself and wake up to reality. Probably one day really soon.

Someone wake me up in January after all these holidays are over.